I think I’m just having a case of Monday BB (Bloggers-block) and I'm still trying to REMEMBER the weekend before I can decide what to WRITE about it!

However, there were some rumblings from up north - i.e. Canadian drama.

So the Canadian was scheduled to come down next month and take me to the wedding of a friend and an EX (nightmare, I know). I thought that since this the wedding of not only an ex, but an ex that cheated on me with the friend that he’s marrying (and I’m the maid of honor because I ‘introduced them’ , and also because I’m WAAAY too nice) that I needed to show up #1 looking UBER-hot and #2 with an even HOTTER date (think a tall (6’7), dark (parents are from South America) & handsome (JFK junior look-a-like) and did I mention BRILLIANT (a masters in IR from JHU and now top 10 in his law school class). A rational conclusion I believe. So Canadian was going to fly down, we were going to have a lovely weekend in a lovely hotel with lovely people etc (and might I add that he volunteered to go – I didn’t even ask. I think he was nervous that it’s on a military base and I cannot be held accountable for my actions when there are uniforms involved). You can tell where this is going....I know.

I stepped up the ‘nagging’ factor on Friday as he hadn’t gotten his plane ticket yet, and the wedding is 3 weeks away. Given his track record, while it IS improving he has NEVER been dependable. He’s had to work late, had friend 'emergencies', etc. and missed black tie events, concerts, parties, football games, you name it. Again, we’re working on this but the fact that he hadn’t made a monetary commitment to this weekend as yet had me a tad concerned.

So he called me on Saturday to say “don’t shoot me” and my stomach falls into my Nike’s. “what? ” “I might not be able to make it” “why? ” (sounding disappointed, unamused, short, and generally, displeased). Then he gives me the song and dance about how he has to be in court, do the lawyer thing, just scheduled, blah blah blah. But that he is filing for a continuance on Tuesday, the judge should rule then, there’s no reason NOT to give him the continuance and if he gets it he will book the fight that day.

Now I’m an understanding girl when it comes to relationships. I trust him that this is happening. I understand that it's his job. I know this. Normally I would just shrug it off and deal. However, I’ve gotta tell you that I’m upset. I KNOW it’s not his fault but I guess if I weren’t expecting it, if I weren’t conditioned to be endlessly disappointed by this man – IF HE COULD JUST FOLLOW THROUGH ON ONE G*DDAMNED THING ONE TIME I could deal.

I’m willing to bet any amount of money that he does not, in fact come. So I will show up at the wedding still looking UBER-hot but tragically, uber-single. What sucks is that when I RSVP’d us, the bride called me and said – “this isn’t the same Canadian that broke your heart, who’s death we were plotting for a good portion of 2004?” “yes it is but things are better, he’s changed blah blah blah” “well I’m skeptical but I’m glad you’re happy and I can’t wait to see you both.” So now I’ll have to listen to the bride say “I told you so.”*

Ya know, I should have known this would happen, the last wedding we went to together, he left me in the middle of the reception to go play poker with his buddies. I so I did what any normal woman would do….I spent the night with the Best Man at his suite at the Watergate.

I wonder what the military-base equivalent of that scenario would be?

On the one hand I feel like an IDIOT because I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall and not getting anywhere. On the other hand I didnt even ask him to come, he suggested it. I think I'm just mad at myself for getting excited about the weekend and thinking that it was ACTUALLY going to happen.

Anyway, folks, keep those matches handy for come tomorrow evening – if I am suddenly Red party-of-one…I’m going to start the Canadian Flag burning pile out on my balcony.

*ya - I'm listening to a classical music station on my computer...and the "Wedding March" just came on. I think I'm going to loose my lunch.

Ok – right now all I’ve got is randomness from this weekend:

Apparently I started Red Family WWIII. Parents are mad…Baby Sis is mad….Oy! Talked to Princess….she said Baby Sis wouldn’t would get over it, that she has no reason to be mad, and that the whole situation will blow over. So I feel a bit better about that.

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The Professor did indeed txt me on Friday night. The conversation went something like this:

Professor: Are you having fun on your date?

S: I’m having a great time – and I never said it was a date

Professor: Where are you at?

S: Biddys in Dupont – come out!

Professor: Call me when you’re ready to go home, I’ll pick you up

S: Thanks, but I can make it by myself. Feel free to come out though and have a drink!

Professor: Sorry, I don’t chase

S: That’s funny….neither do I!

And then this little exchange Sunday afternoon:

Professor: HI

S: Sup?

Professor: You were being a cock tease on Friday

S: Well, seeing as how I had no interest in your cock on Friday or any other day, I hardly see the point in teasing it

Professor: …[silence]….

I personally enjoyed that last reply. I actually think it shut him up! Woo Hoo!

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I received a fantastic gift from Barbie #1! A bottle of 1994 “Marilyn Merlot”!

HOW FUN IS THIS??

Did you know that Ms. Monroe was a natural redhead??

But that’s not the reason I adore her. I'd love her even if she were a natural blonde! Perhaps that’s the reason I have such a fondness for fire engine red lipstick!

I will never open this bottle of wine – or if I do…it’ll be a damn good reason, like my 50th birthday, or my first cosmetic operation (jk)

Ok - it's about time I had to do it. I have to come clean. There is a character that, while a leading man in a former blogging life, has yet to make a guest appearance in this daily drama we affectionately know as "TSL." In the Scarlett E-True Hollywood Story (as yet unmade) a large portion of the subject of romance between 2003-2006 (and beyond?) will be taken up by a boy we will call 'The Canadian' (because...well...he is..in FACT Canadian...yes, I know I'm just THAT creative). So when the E! Channel finally catches on they will tell how I met this gorgeous, 6'7, brillant, funny, JFK Junior look-a-like in 2003 while shopping in Hecht's just before Christmas.

I will smile as I recall that he asked to take me out to lunch right there and then drinks that night. And when he left the table to go to the restroom I called MK (my then roommate) and said "this is it. I'm having drinks with the man I'm going to marry." (What did I know? I was 23!)

They will show scenes of us blissfully happy for about 6 months, they will show scenes of us beginning to fight after month 4 because he wouldn't introduce me to his friends, because he was emotionally unavailable, because I did not feel like I was a part of his life. After several interviews of MK and Barbie #1, 2 & 3, saying how much he hurt me, they will pan to shots of me crying when he told me he was leaving for a year (his law firm was transfering him to Switzerland). They will then mention that he was only gone 3 months, during which time we talked, chatted and emailed almost every day and he apologized, flirted, promised everything would be different, and so I welcomed him back with open arms (and a lovely black lace ensemble from Victorias Secret).

And then they will interview me and say "tell us how you felt when The Canadian told you he had decided to go back to Canada for law school." And a tear will creep down my cheek, and I will try not to smudge my mascara as I wipe it away.  And I will say "it hurt but I tried to be supportive and make the best of the time we had". And they will ask "And what happened when you found out that he had cheated on you with multiple women over the course of your year and half relationship?" And another tear will creep down as they cut to Barbie #1 who will tell them about the night I called her crying.

Oh - but how quickly the Canadian came a'runnin when I started dating someone else! (Again, wanting what you can't have?) And then they will cut to a commercial break as the viewers are wondering - how in the world did they get back together? Well, we haven't established that they have, yet. But before you start burning Canadian flags on my behalf, o darling defenders of Red, we started talking again this Christmas on a conditional basis. The conditions being the I WOULD meet his friends that I WOULD be a part of his life. That he WOULD NOT stand me up. That he WOULD remember, celebrate and purchase gifts for my birthday. And any remnents, traces, or residue traces of lying, emotional witholding or dishonesty of any kind and it was over.

So far, he has been true to his word I have since met friends, he has been more emotionally expressive and available. And so far so good. However we are not officially 'together'. I didn't want a long distance relationship because that just opens the door to lying, cheating, etc. It's an ambiguous scenario at best.  So here we are. When we're together, we're together and when we're not...well...i obviously haven't closed myself off to other options. But he is still a part of my life and before I start venting and bitching and stressing about the situation on here, which I have needed to do (get ready, sports fans), i didn't believe I could do it properly if ya'll weren't entirely up to speed. So now you know. And there it is.

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On a lighter note - this weekend's goolish festivities will include me sporting punk rocker garb (sanz fairy wings...HATE the fairy wings. Who ever heard of a punk rock fairy anyway?). Should be fun!! 

I had a dream last night about my best friend from childhood, Amber (I was in her wedding a few years ago but we don’t stay in touch regularly). In the dream, she decided she was going to date my college boyfriend (Mr. Non-Committal).

Side note: I do not talk to Mr. NC and haven’t since about 2002. I’m usually on pretty good terms with my ex’s, but this one was a particularly bad break up, happened hard and fast.

Yes...it's now scheduled to continue through NEXT Friday

Song of the day: 'So at last' - Butch Walker

Thanks, ya’ll for the encouragement not to give up on men all together. I’m sure I’ll be fine – strike that….I AM fine. Especially since everything came out many, many weeks after the fact.

I’m not going to go into detail about any of the communication that has passed between myself, WPB, or anyone else over the past 48 hours but let me just say – there are three strong, beautiful, AMAZING women in this story and he didn’t deserve any of them.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am usually the first one to forgive, not hold a grudge, and move on – so much so that it comes as a surprise to most people (small example: In college, my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend and she preceded to date him behind my back FOR SIX MONTHS (while I was crying to her because I knew he had cheated on me and I didn’t know who with, blah blah blah) – …I am the maid of honor in her wedding next month, case and point).

However, f*ck with my family or friends…and I will make it my personal hobby to make you miserable until till the day I die.  I think that the past 48 hours have been the proverbial ‘straw’ (of camel fame) – with all the sh*t I’ve been dealing with, this is the one thing I chose to lash out about and I suppose it didn’t help that I had someone to share my outrage, then again, maybe it did. Ultimately I’m glad it’s over and I hope it’s done.

But after two sleepless nights, emotional exhaustion, smoking enough Marlboro Lights to give a small dog lung cancer several times over, and more self reflection than the Hall of Mirrors at Versailles, all mounted on top of a crazy work schedule…I’m just trying to get through this week without giving myself an ulcer.

So tonight, it’s off to Yoga followed by a bubble bath, a glass of wine and an Ambien the size of my face. Sweet dreams.