Preface: This post was written on Tuesday, I believe - just getting around to posting it now. Oops!

I am tired. I was high on life and productivity yesterday and my efficiency buzz lasted through this morning until around 1 p.m. Then…crash, thud, boom, flat line buzz on the heart monitor….it died. And after what seemed to be a buzzing of activity and the spinning of a fast and furious world, I all of a sudden found myself at my desk staring at my computer screen with a dazed expression thinking….huh?

I think that sometimes you just reach a point where…you’re done. You’re done for the day and people should just let you go home because you just know that there’s no WAY you’re going to get anything of even the smallest magnitude accomplished in the last 45 minutes of the official work schedule.

And so I’m cranky that I still have to be here. And I’m cranky because I am going home to an apartment that I completely demolished in my whirlwind of productiveness last night. Oh yes, my room looks fabulous to be sure…the perfect “After” picture in a spring cleaning portfolio. My bathroom sparkles, my carpets are vacuumed and I got rid of a mysterious stain that’s been on my carpet since roughly St. Patrick’s Day so I’m not going to even BEGIN to speculate as to its origin. I even made piles upon piles of clothes to donate to Good Will, books for a book drive, movies, etc. If I had a garage or a yard…well then…I’d really be in business!

So I’m looking at my room and feeling a strong sense of accomplishment when I turn to walk out the door to the adjoining common area….clearly I did not think this process through for there in my doorway, spilling out into the hallway was (you guessed it) The piles upon piles of clothes, books, movies and junk GALORE. And so now I have to clean THAT up as well!

Finally – I’m starving! I received the following unsolicited advice in an email from Sue Ellen yesterday (totally unsolicited btw)

Subject: Weight

Scarlett honey, if you want to lose some weight, soon....here is a sure fire way...

Drink a 1/2 gallon of water every day.  Fill up a pitcher and don't drink anything else until it is gone.

NO sugar, in any form!!!

No butter, margarine, mayonnaise, ice cream, or cheese,  of any kind.

NO fried foods.

Only one bread (1 slice) daily.

As much as you can eat of baked or broiled fish.

No alcohol!!!  ...of any kind, NOT EVEN A SIP!  

LOVE YOU!

And so, reluctant as I am to follow any advice from a woman whose face has been lifted so high, she can almost blink her lips….today I started what I have dubbed…The Holocaust Diet.

And I’m sure it has added to my crankiness and general lack of motivation as I AM STARVING and it is taking every ounce of willpower in my body not to march myself over to the vending machine and eat cupcakes until I fall down.

UUUGGGHHHHHHH – well I’ll be out west with the Russian this weekend (I really should think up a new name for him) – all this on TOP of sexual frustration …Oy! Preemptive apologies for those of you that have to deal with me this week.

Frankly,

I’ve been struggling lately with posting (in case you didn’t notice). It’s not so much a lack of topics I wish to cover but the problem is one of a deficit of words to explore them.  

At any rate – I seem to have developed literary laryngitis.  

While searching for inspiration and indulging in a bit of nostalgia, I perused a few of my old journals. Remember those? Pre blogging…pre email….pre Internet! I kept journals and my bookshelves contain at least half a dozen volumes in my small, swirly style - dating back to around 1993 when my biggest concerns were parent teacher conferences and the fact that my best friend had a B cup and I was still stuck in a training bra. Oh if I knew then....

So I was attempting to figure out – around the end of March – beginning of April what I’ve written about in year's past and along the way I discovered a trend .... I don’t write much this time of year! Historically speaking, I seem to stop most written communication from the beginning of March to the end of April. Apparently the beginning of spring is a verbally dry dry season for yours truly. So that made me feel a bit better with the hope that the words will rain down again at some point.

 However, I did discover one exception - a lone entry on Sunday, March 29, 1998. A bit of background before I share the entry with you….I was 17, still a virgin and on the eve of completing my senior year of high school, still unsure about where I was going to college. I was dating my first love – Harvard. I had also just finished a month long run performing in a one woman show at a regional theatre: The Belle of Amherst. Yep – me, on stage, for an hour and half long monologue. (It’s amazing what people will pay money to see!)

I don’t pretend the entry is eloquent they are, after all, the ramblings of a 17 year old. But if you’re interested in the thoughts of Scarlett circa 1998…read on. 

March 28, 1998 

Hi. I haven’t written in awhile. I apologize. Well, I’m going to write while I’m waiting for Harvard to call. Probably the most pressing matter to discuss is “Belle”. It went great! Standing ovations every night. It was truly the most amazing experience of my life thus far.

At the end of the play, after everyone had gone, I stood in ‘Amherst’ for the last time. I took my roses, walked down the stairs to the back of the theatre then turned and stood at the green doors in the back and looked it one last time.

Another chapter in my life has closed. It’s so hard to look back while being pulled further away. I know that very soon, everything will be very different. Not that I’m not exacted about the totally new world that I’m about to enter, but I just don’t want my current existence to alter.

OK so now it's down to my Alma Mater College, Alternate #1, #2 and #3. I hear from the one Ivy League school that I applied to this week. Decisions have really already been made. So why be anxious to learn? I still have hope right now. There's still a chance.

I wonder what will happen to Harvard and I next year. Its going to be very different for both of us. I love him, I really do and he makes me very happy. He…I don’t know. But I’m also worried about that because of the fact that I’m also physically attracted to him and I’m afraid that morals will eventually be compromised and I really don’t want that to happen. *

Well, I'm gonna go. I'll write soon.

Love,

*Well I guess THAT point's moot!