You know, more and more I realize that people actually DO read this blog. Statistically speaking, hundreds, sometimes thousands in any given week. But with the exception of a select few, most I view as no more than I.P. addresses that show up on a stat tracker. This is not to say that I don't care who's reading - just that only a small overall percentage of you, my lovely readers, comment or email me on a regular basis. Thus, its harder to get to know you.
Apparently though, a friend of the Canadian’s reads this blog (Scarlett waves 'hello'). This friend has managed to put two and two together (aren't you smart!?) and has taken it upon themselves to share these pages with him. Thank you, dear reader. This extra amount of romantic drama is JUST what I needed in my life right now. Perhaps you were sick of hearing about the Russian? Maybe my posts were getting a bit boring and you thought you'd shake things up? At any rate - its done.
Be careful what you wish for I guess because I wanted to meet his friends....just didn't know they'd meet me first.
And so, my beloved Canadian decided to come clean yesterday evening and share his reaction to these pages. Much to my relief and frankly, surprise, and shock – he’s not angry with me and wrote the below message.
He posted the following in response to Friday's post. I’m afraid that I am at a loss for words….
But he obviously took the opportunity to address my readers and therefore this act of contrition, I believe, deserves the floor.
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I imagine Scarlett is not going to appreciate the fact that the Circus Master (aka the Canadian) has learned of her blog. And I imagine she may well delete this comment long before it is read by anyone. But nonetheless, I feel it is about time for the Canadian to say a few words on his own behalf. After all, one side of the story is never as fun as two.
Let's begin with the preliminary matters. I have known about Scarlett's blog for quite some time. There aren't a lot of 6'6" Canadians with JHU grad degrees that have resided in DC (I am flattered Scarlett things I am a JFK Jr. lookalike...though I am not sure I agree). In any event, this blog (much as she may have wanted it to be) has not been a state secret.
Okay...so, in the event that Scarlett readers do get a chance to examine this comment, the question becomes what words of defence can I possibly offer on my own behalf. The simple answer is none. It is impossible to defend what I have done to Scarlett (no...I am not in the midst of a drug induced fog, nor am I drunk... and no Scarlett didn't invent this post to bolster her own cause...she doesn't need that sort of help).
So why do this? Why fall on my sword in front of Scarlett readers? Because Scarlett, for all she has been through, deserves it. I have read many of the things she has said about me, and although they have not always been completely fair, I appreciate that her job is not to be fair, but to tell it how it is through her eyes. And factually speaking, she hasn't been wrong too often.
To be honest, I am not sure I am the best thing for Scarlett. She has loved me, and loves in a way that I am not sure I am capable of. I don't offer that as an excuse. But rather a realistic comment -- perhaps maybe we all need to admit that different people possess different capacities to love...to put others ahead of ourselves. Scarlett cannot (and likely will not) deny that I do put my friends ahead of myself quite often in life. And yet, over the past decade I have failed miserably at doing that in a romantic capacity. Maybe it is time to admit that I am a deeply flawed person who isn't capable of all things. I may be intellectually and academically accomplished...but I am also deeply flawed. I have ugly emotional warts, and perhaps I am cursed with a soul that simply cannot love as Scarlett does.
I know this much. I have failed Scarlett. And to her, in front of all those who care to bear witness, I apologize. I can only hope she might some day forgive me. I am not sure I will.
