By: Ha Ha Sound
When Scarlett first asked me to guest blogged for her, I was initially really annoyed. I mean, it’s hard enough to find the time to fill a page or two with enough drivel to get people to come back to my blog without having to take on the added responsibility of carrying the weight of somebody else’s blog on my shoulders. But an agreement was reached, and so here we are. I’m guest blogging for Scarlett today, and damn honored to be doing it.
And don’t forget to send those nude photos soon. OK?
The proposed topic of my post was... well... you read it above, and I’m trying to smoke a cigarette while writing this so I’m not going to retype it. Interesting. But I think you’re going to be as disappointed in this blog entry as my parents were when I decided not to go to medical school.
You see the thing is, I don’t think men are idiots in that regard. I mean, yes... of course they are. But I don’t think it’s a gender issue. I think that people of both sexes have done it. And yet they haven’t.
Regretting having read this far? I really don’t blame you. But bear with me a little longer. I’m going to make this short so I can go watch Internet porn while keeping the audio from CNN on in the background. Hot, right?
In all seriousness, I think that it always only seems like a person has been dumped for no reason to the person who’s actually been dumped. We’ve all been there. You go out on a date. Or are already dating. You’re having a fantastic time. Laughing. Sharing stories. You’ve finally gotten to the point where you’re having sex without a condom. Or if it’s a first date, she’s not checking her BlackBerry every three minutes. And if she’s doing that while you’re having sex without a condom, well... call a psychiatrist.
But things are going along fine and then... nothing. If it’s a new relationship, maybe the person just stops calling or returning your calls. If it’s somebody you’re seeing more seriously, they suddenly need space or some other idiotic bullshit they got while watching reruns of Charles in Charge while eating Corn Pops with soy milk. The bottom line is... you’re left wondering what the fuck happened.
But here’s the thing. How many times have you been out on a date with somebody wherein you were having a good time and going on and on about how much you love traveling, and the other person launches into a diatribe about how airports are bad for urban development and ruining communities and pollution and blah blah blah and pretty soon you’re looking forward to watching that last damn Star Wars movie on HBO for the gazillionth time when you get home later?
Case in point: recently, I went out on a date with a beautiful women originally from Russia. She was sexy, intelligent, well-dressed, successful and wealthy. Visions of having a sugar momma who was only two years older than me danced in my head.
Now, I have a cat that I rescued from going to the pound. I’ve had him for almost 10 years, and he’s about 11. Being that he was neglected by his previous owner, he’s very clingy and affectionate and prone to freaking out if I’m away for too long. Like, you know how some cat owners can go away for the weekend and leave their cat and not worry because cats are self-sufficient animals? I can’t really do that.
Anyway, things were going fine and dandy between the sexy Russkie and myself until I told her that I had a cat. And she started going on and on about how animals aren’t as important as people, and if I really had to I could give the cat away. And I was thinking, where is this coming from? And how I could never give my cat away, because he’s family to me.
And everything was pretty much downhill from there. I noticed that she smacked her lips in an annoying way as she ate. That she made the bartender let her try three glasses of wine before settling on one (high maintenance alert!!). And that she said she could never respect a man who didn’t make as much money as her. And that she didn’t even reach for the check when it came. Not that I wanted her to pay or expected her to, but she could’ve at least pretended.
My point is that is love is rough and hard. There are no easy answers, and often no closure and no resolution. I’m sure the woman I went out on a date with will make some other guy a wonderful girlfriend. And I might regret not having ever called her again, especially when the friend who set us up later said that the Russian woman was disappointed that she never heard from me again.
But I’m kind of an idiot.
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