"I wonder what Piglet is doing" thought Pooh. "I wish I were there so I could be doing it too." ~ A. A. Milne I
was told that I blog too much about sex, relationships, soulmates, not having sex,
dating, bitching about how I’m not having sex, or social commentary
relating to any and/or all of the above subjects. But as Carrie
Bradshaw and her cohorts so wisely taught us - sometimes your soul
mates really can be your friends. This past year that very concept has
rung true more than ever.
I
met my best childhood friend on the swing-set outside of the red brick
pre-school building on my first day of formal education. I sat there
swinging next to her, gauging the height and overall swinging prowess and sizing it up
against my own. She must have passed muster for I immediately
jumped off the swing, ribbon adorned pigtails floating behind me,
turned around and said “will you be my friend?”. The rest is history.
I met my best adult friend on a park
bench bordering the National Mall while taking a break from our
kickball game one hot August afternoon. She likes to say I was “sizing
her up” (Apparently an MO of sorts before determining someone to be befriendable). A week or two later, our relationship blossomed over a night of
crab dip, a chain-smoked pack of Marlborough lights and more than one bottle of Pinot Noir.* The friendship was
sealed over the impulse purchase of airline tickets that would take us
on a New Year’s adventure through Paris, Amsterdam and ringing in 2010
surrounded by kilts, whiskey and Scottish brogues in Edinburgh. .
I
don’t know what she saw in me initially - but I saw in her a social,
sarcastic, intelligent, independent woman adjectives I would eventually
discover to be horrifyingly inadequate.
Its
been quite the year for both of us. For me, its been a year of
rebuilding, self discovery and above all, friendship. For her its been
a year spent regaining her voice, making tough choices and landing on
her feet.
I’ve
held her hand during a nerve wracking medical procedure, she held my
hand while I got a tattoo. She wheeled my crippled ass through Charles
De Gaul airport and enjoyed the advantages afforded too a handicapped individual and their escorts. We’ve
danced at rock concerts, shared the most honest opinions and the
snarkiest of comments, hugged after romantic disappointment, yelled over misunderstandings, cried at
movies, hashed and then rehashed the absurdities of life, scoffed at
the impossible and consumed more mimosas and filthy martinis than I
dare count.
A
friend knows everything about you and loves. you. anyway. She loves me in
spite of my aversion to traveling to her local venues in Old Town, my
chronic lateness, the painfully slow pace at which I read books, my
incessant need to fill a silence, my routine deletion of at least 75%
of the pictures she takes of me, my ability to completely demolish a hotel room within 5 minutes of check-in, my thoughtlessness, my big mouth, my
love of the outdoors & camping, my tendency to over-share, my
horrific singing voice on road trips and my obsession with all things Harry Potter.
She’s
a musician. She’s a teacher. She’s a student. She’s dedicated and
fiercely loyal to her friends. She keeps secrets. She calls it like she
sees it. She doesn’t smile until the P.M. hours. She’s known both abuse
and loss and has come out stronger on the other side. She knows when to
walk away. She has performed her original music at the legendary CBGBs. She loves horror movies but hates being scared. She’s up
for anything as long as it doesn’t involve sleeping in the great out of
doors. “Drinks? yes!” “Oysterfest, sure!” “Edinburgh via Amsterdam
& Paris - why not!?” She’s, in equal measure, a lover of Opera and
Ani Difranco. She’s unapologetic. She may take time to warm up to you
but you’ll find that time well spent. She has a temper to rival that of
any redhead. She has a guitar shaped tattoo on her shoulder. She hates
eggs. She refuses to waste her time on people who “aren’t worth it”.
She has an uncanny radar to detect the insincere, the hypocritical and
the duplicitous and summarily shuns all such offenders. She prefers
Converse All Stars to Vans. She has no idea how beautiful she is on both the inside and out.
She’s my Bestie and for that I am grateful. Frankly, 
*That was the last time either one of us smoked.
I’ve never been one for jigsaw puzzles. My mother can’t get enough of them and will stare at microscopic pieces for hours, days, in fact, until she manages inexplicably to find the order amidst chaos.
I’m not a visual person. I don’t work well within the confines of compartmentalized thought. Edge pieces, blue pieces, round, square, etc. I'd much prefer to admire a finished work of art and drill down into its individual, interesting elements of texture, style, medium rather than working from the ground up.
My very right brained style of thinking is rather limiting in that sense - needing to be sure of the forest before taking notice of the role of the individual trees, leaves and branches. I like the big picture.
So it is with life. I like to make the pieces fit neatly together to form a seamless mosaic of complementary tiles, structured form and interesting texture.
However, I'm finding it to be increasingly true that there are moments painted within the overarching canvas of life which don't quite fit in with the whole creating a jarring effect akin perhaps to embroidering Van Gogh's "Starry Night" upon the narrative of the Bayeux Tapestry* in place of Haley's Comet. Such an insertion would, if not alter the overall narrative, certainly change the setting so abrupt would be the effect.
So it is with the impact one might experience upon and unexpected and intentioned meeting. An unexpected connection felt for someone with whom you might never pictured yourself and were completely prepared to dismiss as nothing more than a passing flirtation. And even thought you don't quite yet know what to make of this ill fitting piece of the puzzle, you find it makes you feel alive intellectually and physically in a ways you'd forgotten.
And when that happens, suddenly none of the pieces fit because you find the landscape to be fundamentally altered.
Frankly,
*For those of you who snoozed your way through medieval history class, the Bayeux Tapestry is an embroidered cloth (dating roughly around 1077) depicting the events prior to and concurrent with the Norman conquest of England.
A
couple Magners pints past too many, a friend and I were debating the
merits of making the first move vs. letting the guy “come to us.” Me:
Of that school which believes one should pursue their desires. She: a
proponent of treading the waters of passivity waiting to see what the
current brings her. At one point, obviously frustrated with my
immutability, she ultimately replied “what
do you know anyway? You don’t have a boyfriend. You don’t have a
perfect relationship. Why are you in a position to even GIVE dating
advice? Why the hell should I listen to you?!” I
confess to be initially caught of guard by her arguably harsh rebuttal,
however, it sparked a train of thought from which I could not derail.
What do I, and for that matter, what do ANY of us truly know about
dating and relationships? Clearly I am not the expert (and for the
record have never professed any such distinction) clearly since my
longest and most devoted relationships with men have failed to extend
beyond the confines of the turning page (ala Fitzwilliam Darcy and
Jaime Frasier).
Sure,
I've been in the trenches, knocked a few first dates out of the park,
entered the perilous combat zones of match.com and eHarmony
miraculously escaping with both my heart and dignity in tact. Yet, what
have I or anyone else who can trade similar war stories, really
learned?
Much
like the ancient Greeks that went before, we singles and coupleds alike
desperately and relentlessly seek answers to help us better understand
the mysteries of the universe. Pythagoras spent his life in search of
a²+b²=c². We seek an equally important equation namely, how can 2
people = a happily ever after?
Some
have concocted personal formulas on which they base their own version
of love geometry all in an attempt to make the pieces fit. Par example: “he’s just not that into you”; “men are from Mars, women are from Venus”; “The Rules” or my personal favorite, “men love bitches.”
Like
all earnest truth seekers we plug in the variables, test the theories and
yet the formulae never quite add up. Following such romantic theorems
how could one possibly go wrong!? The answer: all too easily. Yet
we continue on, undeterred, if slightly bruised, through the trenches
of romantic warfare onto the next equation trying to solve for that
elusive “x factor.”It
is in that hopeful spirit that the equation can, in fact, be solved
that I am asking you, my readers, do YOU have the answer? Can you
whisper the secret to a happily ever after in my ear? In short, what
insight do you have to share, what advice do you have to give on the
the subjects of dating or relationships?
I know that good advice, much like good champagne, don’t come cheap (at least not according to my most recent therapy bill) but apparently, I need it! Therefore I will give 2 off Broadway Tickets for the most sensible, shrewed, clever advice I receive over the next 12 days. The winner will get to spend an evening with NYC’s newest dating guru at “Miss Abigail’s Guide to Dating, Mating & Marriage,” now playing at Sofia’s Downstairs Theater, 221 W. 46th St., NY, NY.
The
comedy centers around the story of Miss Abigail, the most sought-after
relationship expert to the stars (think Dr. Ruth meets Emily Post), and
her sexy sidekick Paco, as they travel the world teaching Miss
Abigail’s "how-to's" on dating, mating and marriage! (contest rules and details below).
I’ll announce the winner on October 13th so put your thinking cap on and show me what you’ve got!
Frankly, you might even learn a thing or two yourself! 
MY RULES
1. All submissions should be sent via the Comments, Contact Form OR Tweet it to ScarlettL with the hashtag #ScarlettChallenge. 2. Deadline: All submissions must be received y 11:59 p.m. on Monday, October 11th to participate.
3. Multiple Entries Accepted.
Are you a smarty pants? Been in the trenches and have war stories and
sage wisdom just dying to be released? No problem! Throw all of your
wisdom at me! I can take it, I promise!
4. The winner will be announced on Wednesday, October 13, 2010.
5.
The tickets may be used for the following performances: Wednesdays at
2PM, Thursdays at 8PM, Fridays at 8PM, Saturdays at 2PM & 5PM and
Sundays at 3PM and 7:30PM.
6. The tickets are valid thru November 28, 2010. This date cannot be extended.
Good luck and I can’t WAIT to see what you come up with!
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